You Can't Make Mistakes.

Use it however you wish.
Try it. I dare you.

I have always loved
haiku, since the form often
distracts, entertains.

This is why I recently decided to start using it as a teaching tool in my private lessons. The hardest part about tutoring kids is that I have to distract them from worrying about learning long enough to get anything to sink in. I employed haiku last week for just this purpose while working on vocabulary with one student.

Miriam could not
remember any words, not
for lack of trying.

So, I asked her if she knew what a haiku was. She said no. I explained the form: she looked at me like I was an idiot—which is possibly true. Then I asked her to write her definitions for new vocabulary using this form.

She looked confused then,
but the light-bulbs came alight,
eventually.

After a few tries, she was coming up with amazing stuff. This week I quizzed her on the new words, and she didn’t even hesitate in telling me their meanings.

Now that is something that you can stick in your teaching methods courses and smoke it.

New news on an old front

So I may have mentioned previously that I still have no internet in my apartment in Cairo. Some of you may remember that it took me three months to get internet in Alexandria. That was terrible, and I thought that nothing else could be more terrible than that.

Oh was I wrong.

I have now been living in Cairo since the beginning of January. A few days after arriving, as I was settling in, I went to seek a DSL connection in the apartment, having finally gotten all of the documentation that I needed from the landlady. Everything was so smooth, and they said it would be about two weeks.

Fast forward three months. It is now almost April, and we are still waiting. I come to the BCA in the afternoon/evening to check my e-mail and call home on Skype. It is a great place, but I can’t sit around here in my pajamas all day and work online, can I? It’s just not as comfortable as being at home and getting work done.

The list of problems which as brought us to the present is as follows:

1. There was already a DSL with a different company from the previous tenant
2. To have a new DSL installed I needed a cancellation code from the previous company
3. There was a huge overdue balance on the account at the previous company, which they wanted to hold me responsible for
4. The landlady refused to deal with the problem in any timely manner, because she didn’t want to pay the bill, and couldn’t be bothered to go to the company until I became apoplectic over it
5. I accidentally insulted the landlady by telling her that I felt like I had been lied to
6. She stopped speaking to me
7. When we finally got the cancellation code, with a great deal of help from our simsar, Samah, the new company lost the information
8. When we tried to give them the code again, they wanted dates and things—which was not part of the original request
9. The company then told us that it would take approximately 3 weeks after that

And here we are today, three-ish weeks after the last broken promise. Stacey called a week an a half ago and was informed—by an employee, live on the other end of the phone—that they were not working that day because it was the Prophet’s birthday, and that we should call back after the weekend. We spent hours trying to figure out the logic of having someone present at an office to “not work” and answer the phones to inform customers of their inactivity.

Stace called back after the weekend, and was informed that now there was a problem with the main monopoly phone company’s equipment at our switching station, and that we would have to wait another 9 days.

We were both speechless. Stunned silent.

These new nine days come ripe in a few days, and we have heard nothing. There is, however, the possibility that someone has been trying to deliver equipment—a sure sign of readiness of connectivity—because I have heard the doorbell ring a couple of times in the past two days and was unable to get to it fast enough: the first time I was sleeping and the second time I was in the shower, and either way, I felt that it would be inappropriate to run to answer the door naked. This would have made for an uncomfortable Egypt moment.

Regardless, there is a reason for my telling this story. I intend, once the situation has been resolved, to do a major upgrade on the site and the blog, as well as reinstate the gallery and podcast. I have been working on a few podcast episodes, and I have a metric ton of photos to share. I just need to wait a few more days, hopefully.

Inshallah.

Who is who?

My roommate recently asked me: “What’s the difference between Joan Rivers and Joan Collins?” She then qualified: “I am not sure I know who either of them is.”

I have to say that I was taken aback. I could not describe the difference to her, but I knew there was one. This is a mystery to me.

We also discussed the difference between Nick Nolte and Gary Busey, which is apparently a very hot topic for discussion on the internet.

Now, this makes sense. Those two look alike.

I can find no reason why we might confuse Joan Rivers and Joan Collins. But I also can’t really explain the difference between them.

These are the things that you think about late at night in Cairo; the REAL city that never sleeps. The original.

Can anyone enlighten us with your knowledge of the two Joans? Anyone?

What’s in your ears?

I have noticed recently, as I ride the Metro nearly every day now, that people in Cairo are walking around with earphones in, listening to their iPods. This was not the case for a long time, even recently. I would often get on the Metro and have people look at me like I had just landed because I had earphones in my ears.

I suppose that I should also qualify this by reporting that it is indeed remarkably dangerous to wear earphones while walking around this city. It probably increases my risk of being run over by a car considerably. However, I have noticed that those who are relaxed enough to not pay attention to their surroundings here seem to have a very high daily survival rate. So, maybe not.

But I digress…

What I have been interested in recently is what other people are listening to in their earphones. I love having a soundtrack for the city. It makes me feel like I am a character in a movie. Not an actor playing a character in a movie, or even myself in a movie, but as though I accidentally woke up in a film, and here I am. It’s pretty cool.

Today my soundtrack was Elliot Smith, Joni Mitchell, Mika, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and then Herbie Hancock.

I like to imagine that everyone around me who is walking in time with my music can hear it also: as though they are also characters in the movie. They are better actors than the actor that acts my part, but he tries, I suppose.

I feel like I finally understand people in large cities in the United States. Most are not from there, many have earphones in whenever they are walking around. It helps to makes me feel as though I fully belong in the environment which surrounds me. I wonder if that is what the Chicagoans and New Yorkers feel like as well?

Does anyone else have a personal soundtrack? What is the credits music for your film?

New places, new words.

I was tutoring one of my students the other day and we were working on his spelling. We got to the word “backside,” and he looked confused for a minute, and then exclaimed, “Ah, yes! The back part of the horse!” and spelled “baksaid.” I led him through respelling the word and then I tried to explain to him that people also have backsides. He looked confused, and I was trying to explain this in the most detached way possible, but finally I just said, “Your bum, Adel, your bum.” He laughed out loud, and then couldn’t quit giggling about it for the next hour or so.

It made me smile for the rest of the day.

Donkey, that is

So, this afternoon I actually saw a traffic cop in Mohandessin giving parallel parking direction to a guy driving a cart with two donkeys.

And they were doing it!

He backed them right into the spot, stopped, and then unloaded the cart into a shop. This just goes to show you that you can teach an old dog—or donkey—new tricks.

It also reminded me of an interesting phenomenon that I witness regularly. I call it: “The Green Acres Syndrome.” In this city, I regularly see horses and donkeys engaged in regular automobile traffic. Not so much downtown, but in almost every other part of the city. The closer that I am to the outskirts and the Delta, even more. This morning, before leaving for tutoring, I saw three donkey carts with 10 meter lengths of rebar on them. This is apparently the most efficient way to transport building materials as well. This is a common sight.

The donkeys are asmaller adorable too. Poorly treated most of the time, but cute in a pitiful way. Big sad eyes, floppy ears, dogged determination.

Horses are also a regular occurrence in traffic. Rarely ever have I seen people riding horses in the city, but in the smaller towns and cities in the Delta it is pretty common. Usually in the city, they are pulling carts with vegetables: taking things to market.

The best, though, the night of Egypt’s big Africa Cup of Nations win, there were people riding camels, horses, donkeys—whatever they could find—up Gameat al-Dowal in celebration with all the buses, cars, trucks, motorbikes and roving bands of celebrating Egyptians. It was a crazy night, but then, it was a big celebration as well. No reason not to bring the camels out for a ride downtown.

What I want to know is when the last time there was a horse-cart with vegetables in New York City. I certainly don’t think that it was within my lifetime, but perhaps not that long ago at all. It would be pretty shocking to see one there now, yet here it is such a common occurrence that no one even bats an eye at it. I think it’s pretty cool, overall. It reminds me that there are animals, and farms, and farmers: and that they are not that far away. One of the reasons that I don’t see this phenomenon at home is that the farmer that grew most of my food, as well as the donkey that pulled it to market is some great number of thousands of miles away. I would have a hard time figuring out where most of my food has been.

Here, though, all I have to do is ask the guy on the cart where he is coming from today.

Drowning a bit, I should say

Yeah, so, in an effort to get my mind off things&mash;and also because I was coerced/strong-armed into it—I joined the BCA pool league on the BCA team. Representing for the Brits. Yeah. w00t!

Yep, I said w00t. Look it up.

So, in the league, I think that we are currently dead last in the entire league. Tonight we played the Americans from Maadi, who are very good. They beat the living $#!* out of us. I actually got skunked. I did not, however, have to run around the building three times naked: the locals don’t approve of this sort of behavior.

Thankfully though, I am not that competitive. I don’t really care if we win or not: I just enjoy playing. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most of the folks in the league. They are deadly serious. I think that maybe they have too little else to worry about.

There seems to be a disease amongst expats here that is, in many ways, communicable. They take the simplest things to be deadly serious, and allow things to make them miserable that should be rather inconsequential.

Whatever.

I am going to go home now and read myself to sleep on Interview with the Vampire. Makes for interesting dreams.

as my Grandmother used to say…

So, I have received a few complaints this week that I have not been updating enough recently.

And yes, I agree, this is true.

I have no excuse.

Except to say that I moved to Cairo three months ago, and have been attempting to get a DSL in my flat since then: to no avail. Stace and I were told that we would have this modern convenience, possible, on Thursday. This still absolves me of no guilt. I have been bad about updating the blog. I have internet cafes everywhere (which I refuse to use for security reasons—the guys in these places are incorrigible hackers) and also coffee-shops and other places that have ready internet connections. Not to mention that I spend an unwarranted amount of time at the BCA, which is how I am currently writing.

In other words: I have no excuse.

So, here is my offering:

I am currently doing pretty complicated data analysis on a body of text which was written over the course of 30 years by the leaders of a Turkish Sufi order which has gained a foothold in the United States. I am looking at them specifically because the have been labeled by the current scholarship on Islam and Sufism in the “West” as “perennialists,” which means that they have removed the Islam from their mysticism and are simply “snackers” (thank you, John Tobey). This seems, based on the data, not to be the case, and that is what I am writing about.

So, nearly done with that.

In addition, I am tutoring a gaggle of Egyptian elementary school students in the mysterious ways of the English language. I love it. I hate teaching little kids, but I absolutely love teaching them one on one. It’s a great time. I love kids these days.

Also, I am taking lessons in tajweed and classical Arabic in preparation for beginning a program in Islamic Studies in the fall of this year. This will be very exciting, I think. I love it here in Cairo. I love my fields. Good times.

Other than that: nothing. I am going to be back in the United States for a few months beginning in May. I am excited to do the following things:

1. Eat Taco Bell
2. Drive a car
3. Buy whatever I want, whenever I want
4. Buy things with price-tags on
5. Breath fresh air
6. Visit Holly Fisher at SmartShop
7. See my parents and grandfather
8. Watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel with Jeff (among other things)

That list is in no specific order, by the way. Also, I tend to make lists in opposite order anyway. So, cheers.

Hey, I have an idea; how about you all comment and tell me what you are doing for a change.

It’s a big week for gays in the news, folks!

Check out these stories and breaking news from the past week:

1. UK reconsiders asylum for Gay Irani teen

   This represents progress, I think. It is indicative that the government in the UK is thinking outside the box a little bit in recognizing that problems exist where they exist.

2. US representative Kern stories:

   Associated Press Story

   You Tube video

   Needs no comment from me.

3. Stuff White People Like #88: Having Gay Friends

   This is actually true. And the source is reliable.

I was surprised, while researching this post, to find that if you type the word “gay” into google, #4 on the list is gayegypt.com. This has something to do with the fact that I am in Egypt right now, but it is interesting nonetheless. Who can say what it means? A study needs to be done, but this will be difficult. Perhaps some industrious sap who studies communications can do this for us.

Does anyone have any recent stories in this vein to report?

It still costs the same

I had the best haircut experience of my life today.

See, the air in Cairo is astoundingly dirty. I never feel clean: especially my face. It also doesn’t help that the water is so heavily chlorinated that it bleaches your skin (Eat that “Fair and Lovely“) by stripping off the top few layers of it. So, my skin is always dry and dirty feeling.

Not today, my friends, not today.

I went for a haircut at my usual place. After the usual stuff—wash hair, cut hair—my man Waleed asked me if I wanted something that I didn’t understand. Per my normal policy, I said yes to whatever it is that I didn’t understand in order that I may learn what it was. Sometimes this leads to misery and hours of backtracking.

Not today.

Today it led to a full facial after my haircut, the likes of which I have never seen in a regular, hole-in-the-wall barber shop in the States. I sometimes like to find an old-timey barber in the States and go for a shave. All foam, straight, razors and hot towels. This was a singular experience.

After the initial moisturizing and steaming of my face—a half an hour of this—there was the face, scalp, and neck massage, then a shave. This was followed by a mud mask, steamed towels, more hair tonic massaged into my scalp, a cup of tea, and one final moisturizing mask, cold towels and some aftershave.

It was tremendous. I feel like I have a new face. My skin has been feeling especially dodgy lately since I took a weekend on the North Coast recently and remembered what fresh air is really like. Coming back to Cairo after that was rough, especially for my face.

I had often wondered about this sort of thing. I sometimes see guys in the barber shop going through what appears to be a very extensive facial, and I always wondered if it was something that was deemed wholly necessary or was just considered an utter luxury. Waleed gave me some insight into this today as I asked him about all of this. He told me that first, unlike in America, where the air is very clean—he said it, not me— the air in Cairo is disgusting, and so you need to take special care of your skin or your face will fall off (that is a rough translation). Secondly, as he went on to tell me, there are Prophetic traditions—hadith—regarding the cleaning of ones face. He told me these of course, I followed mostly, but when I looked confused, he said “Basically, the Prophet—sallah Allah alayhi wa sallam—would want you to have a facial.” Brilliant.

That is how I like it. Everyday values for everyday folks. So, go out and have yourself a facial. You have it on very good authority that it is recommended.